Saturday, October 13, 2007

Commie price comparison

While at the bloggers’ drinkies last weekend we had a fair share of discussions about trotty groups. I mean, only lefties bring along their own propaganda and stick it in the centre of the table. Useful if the conversation proves boring, and watching rugby on widescreen isn’t your thang so a quick flick through the mags to while away the hours….or until the conversation gets interesting..

Anyway, it kinda occurred to me that leftie groups should be, to use managerial speak, proactive in recruiting the masses. So here’s my plan and if I was active in a trot group I would have written it as part of an internal discussion bulletin but as I don’t belong to anything of trot value I thought I’d publish it here.

When some poor schmuck thinks about joining a gang of commies, first thing that should be in operation is a kind of “Trot price check” where all the groups include how much dues you have to pay, a summary of their respective programmes (do they adhere to the Transitional Programme and so on), candidate membership, ex-comrades rating their experiences including the ongoing visits to the therapist (that should be fun….!!) and best of all….what do you get out of it.. There will also be symbols to differentiate the groups such as an outline of Trotsky or an 'ickle tank .....

Now….it may sound like I am emulating capitalism but left-wing ideas need some serious marketisation. Hey, this is some radical blue sky thinking. You shop around for deals from car insurance to food to phones so why not for the trot group. They could have “deal of the week” … “Comrades we are slashing our dues from 20% down to 15%”. And they could break this down by employment (public sector worker expected to pay… £xx). Or better….pay what you can afford (hey, we are socialists after all!) And this puts economic pressure on the other trot groups to give incentives. And hell, we do need a dose of good old fashion internal competition to the keep trots on their toes.

Unfortunately, Trots can’t do the usual incentives (poorer, for a start) like the banks so instead of a free iPod it will be …”Join us and you get a free Che t-shirt” (hey kids, he’s dead hip at the moment), sing-a-long-revolutionary songs on CD, Trotsky/Lenin/Stalin On…….. and £10 voucher to spend at the local off-Licence… Simple! Recruitment galore….

Other incentives include, “recruit 2 people and get 1 free”, "join us and you won’t have to sell the paper for a month", Trot scratch cards (find 3 Trotskys/Lenins but nowt for a Stalin) where you win an all expenses paid dinner at Pizza Hut with the full-timers of your choice. Wow… exciting…

Second prize is dog eared copy of Lenin’s What is to be Done.

.......and third prize is a leave of absence from this week’s branch meeting….

You know, every little helps….on the road to the revolution…

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