Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Lie back and think of ..... Fay Weldon

“Do yourself and him a favour, sister: fake it” – Fay Weldon (What Makes Women Happy)

If I had to endure a punishment, a kinda Room 101 experience, then it would be a proper gal’s night out with Yvonne Ridley and Fay Weldon. I would definitely lose the will to live especially if the Loves and Lives of a She-Devil One condemns women for being selfish to want an ….. orgasm.

Some choice quotes from Fay regarding the orgasm: “If you are generous and happy minded, you will fake it and then leap out of bed and pour him champagne, telling him he is so clever”…. And “faking is kind to male partners”.

Firstly, Fay Weldon hilariously believes she knows what makes a gal happy and secondly, a woman must ignore her own sexual desires to placate the bloke’s feeling. But doesn’t this also show utter dishonesty as Bloke thinks he has rocked her world while Woman says, “Oh yes, that was super darling, best fuck I’ve had in ages”! But thinking the exact opposite. Is that the Weldon recipe for good sex? Well, she can keep it as it well… sucks.

Women have, historically, been denied the old orgasm. Moaning and groaning wasn’t the thing during Victorian times. Women were expected to please the husband. Desire and pleasure wasn’t part of the act. When Ye Olde Sex Manuals first appeared on the scene in the early part of the 20th Century couples were informed:

“The wife must be taught not only how to behave in coitus, but, above all how and what to feel in this unique act”. Is this what Fay Weldon desires women should go back to?

Orgasms, according to Freud were centred in the vagina as this was far superior to the “immature clitoral orgasm”. The vaginal orgasm represented “normal sex” as the reliance is on penetration whist clitoral stimulation can well be ….applied DIY or in other shapes or forms…Women being in charge of their sexuality? As if!

The clitoris was re-discovered (like it was ever “lost”) by Kinsey in the 1950s and also Masters and Johnson, who still emphasised the need for “penile penetration” to achieve orgasm. The Hite report during the 1970s wasn’t groundbreaking either as she too argued the mechanical behaviourism of her predecessors which amounted to women needing a bit of rubbing to aid stimulation. Yeah right…

Sex should be about equality, being open and that includes discussing your own sexual needs. It is not about sub-ordinating your own sexuality. Feminists argue rightly that it is about autonomy and women reclaiming their own desires and pleasures. Sex can be daunting and a bit like rocket science. And it is a tad more complicated than drinking a glass of water. Sex is about asserting and surrendering, mutual esteem, pleasure, trust, safety and equality.

The woman’s orgasm has been a fraught battle (I am sorry if the emphasis has been on heterosexuality) and it is has been a long time coming…

Fay stick to your religion and I will stick to having real orgasms, which sure does make me one happy feminist!