Trade Union Movement Flagellates Itself

Reports are coming through that the National Union of Turkeys has invited Bernard Matthews to be the guest speaker at its annual Congress. Union leader Brendan Gobbler explained that in the spirit of partnership, it was important to accept the hand of friendship from Mr Matthews. He confirmed that turkeys would be invited to Mr Gobbler's Slaughterers' Association annual feast, where they would be given a prime slot on the menu, erm, agenda.

Rejecting the bad old days of relentless hostility between turkeys and farmers, Mr Gobbler said that they did not want to be left out in the cold this Christmas, and argued that "You've got to be on the plate to be in the debate".

In fact, what has actually happened is that the TUC has invited the Director-General of the CBI to be a guest speaker at Congress this year. And when some members of the General Council objected, General Secretary Brendan Barber retorted that it was too late, since the invite had already been sent! A few worthy souls voted to send a dis-invitation in the next post, but the majority of the workers' leaders did not wish to offend their members' masters.